I want so much out of life and I expect so much out of myself.  I also love my friends and family dearly, so I suppose that’s why I expect equal love and support from them.  However, that’s not always the case.  I also do my best to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I don’t promise things that I can’t deliver on and almost never utter phrases in the heat of the moment that I regret later.  These practices are also not as common as I’d like to believe in the people I care about.

Case in point: I have lots of furniture compared to my roomie (whom I love dearly, I should add) and more clothes.  I asked if it would be possible for me to take the larger room since I knew this would be the case.  He said we would discuss it.  When I arrived, “my” room, as he called it, was the smaller room.  We also agreed on Seattle for the location of the apartment.  I agreed to Bellevue after he took a look at the bus schedule and said it wasn’t far at all from the UW campus.  It’s a long f-ing way to the campus, turns out, and we’re almost into Redmond.  However, it’s maybe a whole ten-minute walk to his workplace.  “Our” joint bookshelf is currently full of all his things and the four DVDs I wanted to add were moved off (I have a personal bubble about my things; please ask!).  My mother gave me placemats, but I can’t place them on the table I purchased because he wants them a different way.  For Thanksgiving, we’re going to a friend’s.  I wasn’t asked about the food, so I bought ingredients and will put in the time tomorrow to make two dishes I really dislike.  I am really and truly doing my best to keep cool and laid-back about all these things, but I’m having a hard time.  To cap off all this, I was called stupid by my roomie for liking a movie he dislikes.  I several times attempted to stop the conversation by saying something akin to “let’s agree to disagree.”  Needless to say, that didn’t work.  I even mentioned two other friends I know to be terribly brilliant and who like this movie.  He said our taste in quality was stupid.  Please, for the love of God and our friendship, don’t call me or my friends stupid.  We’re not.  You aren’t either.  We differ in our opinions, so please respect the differences and move onto a different topic.

I want this to work and I don’t want to in any way talk to my parents, whom I’m also very close to, because I fought so terribly hard for their support.  It’s less than a week in and I feel trapped.

I don’t know how this all will work out.  Maybe I’ll suggest that my roomie read this post.  I don’t want anyone to be hurt, but I think it’s past the time for that because I’m already hurt to my core.

And a few additions: I’m not a chauffeur; if you want to go somewhere, please chip in for gas and consider the time and money it takes.  If the market across the street is cheaper, I need to go there.  I’m new here and don’t have a job.  If we agree on something, I would appreciate it if we stuck to the agreement.  If you want to say something, say it.  Don’t keep muttering “uhhhhhhh….”  A “yes” or “no” will suffice.  I’m not you.  I don’t have the same tastes or needs as you.  I like green and yellow and blue; you like red.  I need to have a place to do schoolwork, places for my cat’s food and litter, space for my things, and sleep.

I don’t think anyone but me, save my parents, really understands how much went into making this move happen.  Four days of driving, hotels, food, basic new furniture, etc.  All for a place to live and go to school out of state for less than a year.  I also had mono or a mono-like virus when I left.  I’m sick still and need rest.  I don’t have time for the countless errands and commuting time.

Plus, my mom is my mom.  It goes with the territory that I get to complain.  You don’t get to make snide comments.  She’s probably the closest person to me.  We have our ups and downs, and I may tell you what happened between us on occasion.  I know she’s eccentric and needy.  If you must know, she’s freaked out about health problems and recent developments and has bi-polar.  Please keep your comments to yourself.  You have two parents that you can despair about all you want; I’ll listen, but I’ll keep the commentary to myself.

Roomie, I hope you understand my frustration.  I love you and want you to be as comfortable and as happy as possible.  I’d also like the same for me.  You won out on the location of the apartment, which is a biggie.  Please respect my wishes sometimes in other things and respect my opinions.  You may not agree, and it’s basically a given that we’ll disagree, but we can find a happy medium.

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